It coulda been me
This is a response to the shootings at Virginia Tech. I was shocked to read his profile because it was a ringer for me during a good span in my life. I talked with a friend who felt much the same way. We explored for a moment the dangerous thoughts of knowing how he felt, knowing we were in a place where we thought of and considered similar actions. Knowing the pressure that can be on you when you feel 100% outside, and the cracks I feel through, I feel perhaps more sad for him, to have no way out of his misery except that which he chose. Anyway, its quick and rough, but I give you "It coulda been me" :
It coulda been me
Going to school at V – T
It coulda been me
Alone, cold and angry
I mean, I never thought I'd live past 23
And if I'd lived, I would never be free
Now I am thirty-five and shocked
Because it could have been me
Every day life bearing down
Sucking me under making me drown
Laying awake, dreaming of escape
Because it could have been me
Going to school at V – T
It coulda been me
Alone, cold and angry
I am afraid of everything cruel or kind
It takes a toll and bends the mind
Mostly afraid of one day SNAP
Because it could have been me
No one to listen, no one care
No one to love, no one share
Alone with this brutal legacy
Because it could have been me
Violence is my first and last choice
I hate you because I have no voice
I write and joke and talk
Because it could have been me
Going to school at V – T
It coulda been me
Alone, cold and angry
For his despair, I take responsibility
For this my part in the patriarchy
And the sorrow I feel
Because it coulda been me